Dad to son:“Do you ever expect to find the perfect girl?” Son: “No, but it’s fun finding they are not.”

What’s every man’s favorite seven-course meal? A hotdog and a six-pack.

Bar sign ... “If you drink and drive, don’t park. Accidents cause people.”

Oscar Wilder ... “Work is the curse of the working class.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender ask, “Why the long face?”

Dean Martin ... “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

Courtship is that time when a girl decides if she can do better.

Sweet young thing ...“My boyfriend has cold feet.” Grandmother, “ I didn’t find that out about my boyfriend until we were married.”

Overheard: “My wife just brought two books – one is a cookbook, the other is about how not to eat what you just cooked.”

Overheard ... “Thirty days has September, April, June and my son for speeding.”