Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Before computers ... A program was a TV show ... memory was something you lost with age, and a virus was the flu.

A psychologist is the person you pay big money to ask questions your wife asks free of charge.

Some women try to conceal their age because men don’t, won’t act theirs.

Overheard ... Why pay to go see a bad movie when you can see a bad one for free on TV?

Have you noticed ... nobody believes a Washington rumor until it’s denied?

Where does “success” come before “work”? The dictionary.

A law of politicians ... For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

You can never tell what church a men goes to by the way he acts on weekdays.

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