Dealing with the pressures of parenting

I remember when I joined Pinterest – my friend and fellow Woodlawn (at the time) teacher Jenny Smith Albrecht told me about a new site with all these cool pictures and howto’s – who would have known that three years later it would be such a prevalent part of my life that it would be the subject of my monthly column. You’ve read about successes and failures (OK let’s get real, mainly failures) and have hopefully learned at least a new recipe or a way to clean your grout effectively.

Three years ago when I joined Pinterest, I was pregnant with my Gracie. Those of you who are parents understand when I say you have no idea your heart and soul can love something so much as your child.

When I was pregnant, a friend equated it to having your heart walking around outside your body, and I still think that’s a pretty spot on description of my “mom feelings.” I took to Pinterest, saving things on “Gracie’s Board” before she was even showing in my belly, hoping the pins would help me be a better prepared parent. I’ve been looking forward to using so many as she gets older, but none more than one that is basically “Baby Potty Training Boot Camp.” The point? Let your child run around naked for a weekend – no diaper, no pull-up – to teach them how to use the bathroom like a big child. Do it for two days and no more diapers. A dream, right?

Here’s the catch. Your child has to be ready. And mine, as much as I want her to be, isn’t. She’s fascinated by an app on the Kindle called, “Potty Time With Elmo” and a book I got her with a baby Kermit the Frog getting his potty training on. But when it came down to it, my little one just didn’t quite get it. Gracie has some developmental delays that include her speech, so explaining things can be tough, but I still always make an attempt. I felt like after I explained our plan for the weekend we were simpatico. After, I left her for about a minute only to come back to her sitting on the floor playing in the puddle she had magically created, I realized we weren’t on the same page.

And so, I decided it wasn’t the time to push this experiment. Maybe this baby boot camp thing will work in a month or so. I still felt a little like a bad mom, that I should give her more time without that diaper and see how she does. It was like I wasn’t giving her the chance. That evil feeling of doubting my ability as a parent was looming close.

This week was also the last before Easter, and at Gracie’s Mother’s Day Out program, she came home with a basket full of goodies from her teachers and classmates. You can immediately spot the moms who went to Pinterest and found a cute treat idea, like the pin for the plastic bag filled with cheese puffs and tied with a green ribbon made to look like a carrot (so cute!). I just submitted the minimum – 12 plastic eggs filled with candy. My first reaction when I saw the Pinterest treats was to think, “Ugh, she’s one of those moms” and to feel like I am the bad mom who didn’t try hard enough to be creative and send cute treats with my child. My second thought was worse. Who are these women who created these treats and how dare they go an extra step! Can’t they just be lazy and do the bare minimum like me so they don’t make me look bad?” (Because I’m sure that was their intention – sarcasm intended).

I know – not my best moment. Yet, it made me realize something I had forgotten – a promise I made to myself not too long after Gracie was born.

Be gentle with yourself and with everyone rowing the boat with you.

Every person, parent or not, is just trying to do their best. As a mom, there are things that most instinctively feel. Though a lot of what we do as parents is just trial and error, just like every Pinterest experiment. It’s just a life experiment. Be kind to yourself. In the not-quite-three years Gracie has been with us, I’ve learned that one of the qualities that’s most important in this parenting game isn’t just patience with your child but also with yourself.

Your child isn’t potty trained yet – who cares? There’s still time.

You made the awesome Pinterest treat? Way to go!

You made the basic treat? Sweet! You work full-time so that your family has enough to get by? Go on girl!

You decided having children isn’t for you? Be unapologetically you!

You’re still single? Enjoy your life! I think we are our harshest critics, but really, if you’re making an effort and moving forward, you’re doing something. Life is too hard in so many ways without putting so much pressure on every little step. Sometimes, the missteps are the best part of life. I had to remind myself not to let pressure, even from Pinterest, put a hitch in my step. Pinterest should be fun, not stress – inducing! So with that in mind, I put a diaper back on that cute little booty of Gracie’s and went back to pinning pictures of Kim Kardashian’s latest hair color and a few from my friend Jenny of pictures of dream home ideas.

I’m keeping my Pinterest pressurefree.