Leads to one big mess

Everything today is designed with ease in mind. We hold the Internet in our hands when we use our smartphones. You can do everything remotely – bank, shop, communicate. I mean, we know this.

Everywhere we turn there’s a list of “life hacks” designed to speed up getting stuff done – hypothetically so you can do what you really want to do instead of dusting baseboards or making bacon. Well, maybe bacon is a bad example because I can always make time for bacon. How about cauliflower mac and cheese? Yeah, ain’t nobody got time for that.

In all this business of trying to make stuff easy, I have discovered secret power. I can make anything that’s supposed to be easy incredibly, fantastically hard. If a recipe says it takes “10 minutes to prepare,” it will more than likely take me 30 plus another 30 to clean up the mess I created along with my more than likely mediocre dish. My momma always says, “You are most definitely NOT Martha Stewart, my dear.” Bless my heart.

This month I tried a few things that were guaranteed to be easy by the pinners on Pinterest. I am always so gung ho at the onset of new projects because I’m so sure that I will reign triumphant THIS time. Yes, it will work! Unless you are Mandy Byrd.

First, the meatloaf. Yes, I said meatloaf.

My husband is a meat and potatoes dude, born and bred. I’ve tried all these fancy meatloaf recipes that turned out horrible, but I just KNEW this was going to be the one.

I mean, it said it was easy, after all. And really, it was simple. It’s a pound of hamburger, a box of Stove Top stuffing and a cup of water. Mix it all together, form the loaf and bake it for about 45 minutes at 350. What could go wrong? Well ...

I’m sure it probably would have tasted great if the glass pan I baked it in hadn’t completely broken in half while it was cooking. I smelled something burning and, boy, was it! When the pan snapped in half (I mean, c’mon. Really?), it somehow separated about a half-inch. The fat from the meatloaf was dripping all over the oven, flames reaching out and smoke exploding in a big poof, almost knocking me over when I opened the oven door. Removing said disaster from the oven should have been an Olympic event because, basically, I had to “dismount” the whole catastrophe in one fast fell swoop into the sink, crashing and smoking at it went. Meatloaf and fat went all over my kitchen floor. Can I get an 8.5 from the judge from Sweden?

I will try to make this again, I’m sure. I will learn my lesson. I will use an aluminum pan next time. Thank goodness my husband also likes pizza.

The other “easy” pin I tried was to make this thing for my daughter, Gracie, called a water blob. It’s basically a homemade, outdoor waterbed for the kids to slip and slide all over when it’s hot. This called for painter’s plastic, the stuff you put down on the floor so paint drips don’t ruin your floor. You figure out how big you want your blob to be, fold the plastic in half and cut so it’s where you want it. You are then to put this gigantic piece of plastic on an ironing board, match up the edges and use your iron to melt a seam all the way around. A piece of parchment paper should go on top of the area you are ironing so the plastic doesn’t melt to your iron. Easy peasy. The seal should go all the way around until you get to one last corner, then you take it outside, fill it up with water, then seal the final corner.

First of all, a huge piece of plastic is not a wieldy thing. It’s not like ironing a shirt, which, let’s face it, I’m not too good at either. I tried to do this in my living room. I had to move the coffee table for space, and of course, the parchment paper, while good in theory, is of no assistance if you even just once accidentally iron directly over the plastic. I created several holes in the “blob” within the first, oh, four minutes. I’m guessing melted plastic is probably not a scent Bath and Body Works is developing for their fall candles. Needless to say, my water blob never made it out the door; I just pulled Gracie’s blow up pool out and let her have a swim – so gloriously easy – which freed me up to clean up my iron and my oven. Maybe there’s a pin for that?