NEWSQUIRKS

Curses, foiled again

Police arrested Michael Trias, 20, after they said he broke into a home in Mesa, Ariz., and became stuck in a clothes hamper underneath the window he climbed through. The homeowner, who heard Trias trying to untangle himself from the clothes, restrained him and called police. (Mesa’s East Valley Tribune)

Stock up before the hoarders get it

Fire officials investigating an explosion that blew the roof off a home in Gobles, Mich., noted two barrels of gasoline had been in the basement. The homeowner explained she was stockpiling gas because the price keeps going up. (Kalamazoo’s WWMT-TV)

Firebuggery

A 52-year-old man told police in Lynnwood, Wash., that he set his motel room on fire because Satan was in there and he wanted to protect “the good people.” Officials at the Days Inn said the unidentified man, who’d been staying there for a month, repeatedly called employees the “anti-Christ” and “spawns of Satan.” (Everett’s The Herald)

When guns are outlawed

Police charged Howard Schultz, 69, with impersonating a law enforcement officer after he stood in the middle of a street in Pompano Beach. Fla., ordering motorists to pull over and waving a 10-inch barbecue fork at them. One motorist obeyed, according to the arrest report, telling Broward County sheriff’s deputies he feared for his life. (Miami’s WTVJ-TV)

New-time religion

A new application for iPhones and iPads helps Catholics gain absolution for their sins. “Confession: A Roman Catholic App” is a password-protected, customizable guide to performing the sacrament that lets the faithful check whether their behavior conforms to Scriptures by asking such questions as, “Have I been involved in occult practices?” Although its developer, Patrick Leinen, said he was inspired by Pope Benedict XVI’s call to Roman Catholics to put digital technology to good use, the Vatican stressed that it’s impossible to confess by iPhone. “The rites of penance require a personal dialog between penitents and their confessor,” Vatican official Federico Lombardi said. “It cannot be replaced by a computer application.” (Agence France-Presse)

Heil and farewell

Adolf Hitler’s last surviving bodyguard announced that he could no longer respond to fan mail because of his advanced age. Rochus Misch, 93, who also served as Hitler’s telephone operator and courier, said he receives a continuous deluge of letters “from Korea, from Knoxville, Tennessee, from Finland and Iceland — and not one has a bad word to say.” Misch, who lives in Berlin, used to respond to autograph requests by sending signed wartime photos of himself in a neatly pressed SS uniform. (Reuters)

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.