NEWSQUIRKS

Curses, foiled again

Federal authorities said two masked gunmen greeted the owners of a New York City pizzeria arriving home after closing the store and ordered one of the owners to hand over a bag they believed held the day’s earnings. Instead, Drug Enforcement Administration agent Kristie Osswald reported, it “contained pizza dough.” Even so, the pizzeria owner resisted handing over the bag. Taking that reaction as proof the bag had value, the robbers shot the owner twice in the legs and fled with the bread. Suspect Salvatore LaRosa, 25, later turned himself in. (New York’s Daily Times) Nathan Alan Bramlage, 23, walked into a police station in Eugene, Ore., and asked to make a call. The desk officer recognized Bramlage from surveillance video of a bank robbery the day before and notified detectives. “I just assume that he didn’t believe we’d recognize him,” Detective Ralph Burks said after Bramlage’s arrest. (Eugene’s The Register-Guard)

Onward, Christian Soldiers

The First Baptist Church of Dallas launched a holidayseason website for people to tattle on businesses that aren’t celebrating Christmas with appropriate store displays, advertising and greetings to customers, such as using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” “Too many businesses have bowed down to political correctness,” insisted the church’s pastor, the Rev. Robert Jeffress, who previously made national news by preaching a sermon titled “Why Gay Is Not OK” and branding Islam as an evil religion. “We meant this as a fun campaign.” (The Dallas Morning News)

When gratification can’t wait

Even though Alabama is the only state that still bans sex toys, Sherri Williams opened a new location for Pleasures, her “one-stop romance shop” in Huntsville, Ala. Williams claims it’s the first in the nation with three sex-toy drive-through lanes. Toys, lubricants and stimulants are delivered through the drive-through drawers in brown paper bags. Williams attracted media attention by challenging the sex-toy ban. The Alabama Supreme Court upheld it, but she has managed to circumvent it because state law does permit the sale of items designed for the “stimulation of human genital organs” if they’re for “a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose.” Pleasures requires customers to fill out a medical questionnaire describing the healthrelated reasons for their purchase. (The Huntsville Times)

Second-Amendment follies

While admiring a gun his cousin had given him, Bannock County, Idaho, Sheriff Lorin Nielson tried to lower the hammer, but his thumb slipped. The gun fired, wounding Nielsen in the hand. “My pride is fractured,” he said after being treated in the emergency room, “but my hand is fine.” (Idaho Falls’s KIFI-TV)

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.