AMY ALKON

THEADVICEGODDESS

When plush comes to shove

I fear I’ve already turned off the new guy I’m dating because of a ritual I can’t seem to give up. I sleep with a stuffed bunny. I’m in my mid-30s, but I’ve had it since childhood, and I just find sleeping with it comforting. For the first month of dating this guy, I didn’t bring it to bed. But now that I’m feeling more relaxed with him, I grab for it after we’ve finished our intimate stuff. He seems rather unimpressed, to say the least. The other night, he said something like, “Now, how old are you again?” Is this something I need to stop doing, or something that somebody who cares about me should just accept? —Can’t Let Go Of Floppy

Back when they couldn’t show sex in movies, they’d let you know it had happened by showing a couple having drinks and kissing, then cut to one of them in bed smoking a cigarette — not sucking a thumb and cuddling a bunny.

The guy you’re dating has an image of you in his mind — probably as a sophisticated, sexy, sensual adult woman. Surprise, surprise, after doing unspeakable things with you in bed, he finds it unsettling to see you spooning Floppy, and maybe worries for a moment that he just committed a crime. He might feel different if you just had the bunny on the shelf as a souvenir of your childhood. For a lot of guys, that’s no big deal. There are even some who’d be okay with the bunny in the bed — like the mid-level manager who attends Comic-Con in a Klingon suit and goes to sleep afterward in Spider-Man footsie pajamas.

In psychology, a stuffed animal is a “transitional object” — a thing that helps a child work through his or her separation from Mommy. (It seems you and Mommy are running a few decades behind — something you and a therapist might give a look-see.) Like your current guy, a lot of guys will be turned off when, after sex, you turn away from them to make sleepies with your bunny. To give yourself the widest selection of dating partners, you’ll need a new bedtime ritual. My suggestion? Put Flops on a shelf and fall asleep thinking happy thoughts about how you’re making room for a very special new friend — one who might be missing fur on his head, but not because the neighbors’ dog used him as a chewtoy when you were 5.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or e-mail her at AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). © Copyright 2009 Amy Alkon