In the name of love
My girlfriend of a year is 21 and I’m 22. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, but there are issues. She has money problems, including $14,000 in credit card debt. Yet, she demanded I get a credit card, and when I refused, kicked me out and said we couldn’t live together until I got one. But I’m most disturbed about our night at a concert. She got really drunk and started arguing with some hippie girls, then ran off. I tried to follow, but she’d disappeared and doesn’t have a cell. I was really worried. I looked all over town and finally went to bed at 3 a.m. feeling helpless. The next day, as I was leaving to look again, the hospital called. Some Mormons brought her in after finding her passed out in the bushes. She accused me of not caring, saying she would’ve stayed up looking for me. Her parents blame me for her drinking and said I’m a bad boyfriend because I wasn’t there when she needed me, sleeping instead of continuing to search. This is my first long-term relationship, and I need to know who’s the whack one in the concert situation: me or her? — Blamed
As looking for love in all the wrong places goes, looking till you find it passed out in the highway underbrush, drooling on a squashed Pringles can and missing a shoe pretty much tops the list.
This girl doesn’t need a boyfriend; she needs a search party with tracking dogs — just in case the Mormons take a night off from combing the bushes for drunks. Unless you’ve left out some bit about tying your girlfriend up and forcing Jack and Cokes down her throat, the one to blame here would be the party who’s doing all the partying. Next in line is the party that failed to teach their little partier any sense of personal responsibility, then failed to pick her up by the scruff of the neck and drop her in rehab. Instead, they tell you it’s all your fault. Right. Are you in a relationship or a scavenger hunt? You’re apparently expected to go door-to-door at 3 a.m.: “Sorry for waking you, ma’am, but I need a cup of one tanked, belligerent girlfriend, and $14,000 to pay off her credit card debt.”
What’s missing from this picture? (Besides about eight hours of her consciousness and her right shoe?) That would be any sense of remorse on her part for the worry, lost sleep and parental berating she put you through. You need to do two things: Get out, and don’t repeat this behavior. Well, actually, do look all over town for a woman — one who shares your values and interests and makes your life better because you’re with her.
In other words, no, you don’t just say “Wow, she’s pretty!” and call it a day, or you’re liable to end up with just another pretty face — face down in the bushes.
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or e-mail her at [email protected] (www.advicegoddess.com).
© Copyright 2009 Amy Alkon
