Count on it ... nothing can hold liquor as well as a bottle.

A boss is the guy when you’re early to work comes in late and when you are late, he’s early.

Remind your son ... “Everyone can’t be a star. There have to be people to buy tickets.”

Overheard: “She married me and divorced me for the same reason ... my money.”

Sign in gift shop: “For the man who has everything ... a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

A husband is the man who wishes he had as much fun when he’s out as his wife thinks he does.