The pretty girl En route to college: “Mom, what do you give a man who has everything?” Mom: “Encouragement, dear.”

The same girl was poor on history but great on dates.

Overheard: “My first boss didn’t like yes men. When he said, ‘No,’ you said, ‘No!’”

Cynic’s army buddy said he’d followed the Ten Commandments all his life and never managed to catch up with them.

Your best chance if you can’t find a lawyer who knows the law is to find one who knows the judge.

Another older friend was a real optimist. He got married at 70 and looked for a home near a school.

Cynic hopes not … This year may go down as the year that went down.

Grandad said, “My first hot date was Miss America. Of course, there weren’t many Americans that long ago.”

It takes two mystery writers to screw in a light bulb … one most of the way, the other to give it a strong twist at the end.

Overheard: “I’m gettin‘ old. I ordered a three-minute egg and had to pay for it in advance.”