News … Congress will take up the marijuana issue. Politicians look forward to a joint session.

Overheard … I like playing golf. I get to hit the ball more often than anybody.

It’s true … Girls tend to marry men like their fathers which is why so many mothers cry at their weddings.

You’re getting old when the doctor rather than a cop tells you to slow down.

My wife liked her new responsible job ’til she found out if something went wrong, she was responsible.

Sign in the shop … We honor credit cards but accept only cash.

But nowadays if somebody pays cash they worry about his credit.

Overheard … My wife said she’d like diamonds for Christmas. I hope she likes that deck of cards I got her.

Cynic’s hometown was so small that two was company, three was a crowd and four was a demonstration.

At the sensitivity session, “No doubt, self pity is better than none.”