Overheard: “She’s celebrating her 30th birthday. ‘Course she has been for the last 10 years.”

Girlie talk: “She was looking for an intelligent, sensitive man. Turned out, they are extinct.”

“The old guy looked pretty good. He told me to keep in shape he smokes a pack of cigarettes, drinks a sixpack every day, never exercises and will be 25 next week.”

Overheard in a bar: “When I went on a diet of baked beans and garlic, all I lost was my 10 drinkin’ buddies.”

Your dad told you: “If you lend a guy 20 bucks and never see him again, you’re probably pretty lucky.”

Where does success come before work? In the dictionary.

Overheard: “I told my doctor I just haven’t been myself lately, and he said, ‘Sounds like a giant improvement.’”

Definition: Expert … knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.

Overheard: “My roommate didn’t fall in love with her boyfriend ’til their second date. That’s when she found out he was sick.”