Girlie Talk: Why do scientists like to study men’s brains? Because they’ve never been used.

“Not only is there no God but try getting a plumber on the weekend.” – Woody Allen

A woman asked the doctor if she should have children after 35. He said 35 kids is way more than enough.

I’ll bet on it. When she can’t find any action around, she’ll play solitaire and bet against herself.

Overheard, my new girlfriend: “I’m living on a one-way, dead-end street. I don’t know how I got there … or how I’ll get home.”

And that reminds me: People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

Have you noticed when you’re about 35 years old something terrible happens to your music?

Overheard: “Boy, were we lucky! My kid swallowed a coin, and it got stuck in his throat. A guy passing by swatted him a few strokes, and it popped out. I said, ‘Thanks, Doc!’ and he said, ‘I’m not a doc. I’m with the IRS.’”