FAMILY LOVE

Hats off to all the dads in this world! A good father may be one of the most unsung, unpraised and unnoticed, yet one of the most valuable strengths and benefits for our kids and our society. Kids need their fathers as well as their mothers. Society has a need for our kids to have fathers who are “there” for their children.

First of all, to strive to be a good dad, dads may need to take inventory and evaluate their relationship they had with their own dad. Take an inventory of all the good things about your father and the things not so good about him. That should help give a picture of what to change in yourself and what to keep in the role of being a father.

Second of all, kids want to know their fathers, and kids want their fathers to know them. How does that happen? Of course, spending time with your children is the way to make this happen. Whether kids tell their dads this fact or not, they do want to spend time with their fathers.

Third of all, dads need to be there consistently – whether attending events or planning adventures and activities, be there. All kids need “dad time.” Even doing chores together has bonding benefits. Be there throughout their childhood years; be present at their activities; be there for no special reason, except to be there. There is no time in a child’s life that doesn’t count.

Even young infants respond to their fathers. Talking to, playing with and tending to their needs will set a lifetime foundation for your relationship with them. As kids get older, they’ll need you in different ways, but they will always need you. Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their time and attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads, as well as their moms, tend to be more successful in life.

Kids need predictability; they need care. They need a loving relationship with you. They need whatever financial support you can provide. Kids need to see their parents being respectful and caring toward one another, even if they are no longer married. Kids develop best when their parents treat each other with respect and appreciation. Then, kids don’t feel torn between the two people they love.

Dads should try to balance discipline with fun. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and enjoy themselves at the moment. Give yourself and your kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

Kids need a role model. Both boys and girls need a role model for what it means to be adult and male. Kids are observing you every minute. They are taking in how you treat others, how you manage stress and frustrations, how you fulfill your obligations, and whether you carry yourself with respect and dignity. Consciously or not, the boys will become like you. The girls will look for a man very much like you. Give them an idea of manhood and relationships of which you can be proud.

Remembering my dad – he knew everything about cars, so when he would give our car a tune-up, he would ask me to “help” him. It was fun and exciting and made me feel like I was special to my dad. As a little kid, I have fond memories of getting to “pump the brakes” as my dad worked on them and rolling underneath the car to see what it looked like. I also remember a bracelet my dad bought for me. It had a mustard seed encased in it. With it came the reminder of what God could do with my faith even if it was as small as a mustard seed. Other things I remember is my dad working hard to provide for our family; being ready and willing to transport my friends and me to our many events; making sure we were at church on Sunday mornings and Sunday and Wednesday nights. It wasn’t until after his death that I learned about how he had to overcome many of life’s struggles as his dad, my grandfather, had died at an early age. My dad passed away many years ago, but the memories are still there, and I can look back on those days I spent with my dad and smile.

I also thought back about a time I had to go out of town, and my husband and our girls spent the weekend without me around. When I returned, I soon heard about what a great time they had with their dad doing things that they had never experienced before. Who would have thought to help their dad put down a new patio floor would be thought of as fun and exciting? My husband included them in all the things he had to do, and they seemed to love it all. They had a chance to spend “alone” time with their dad and enjoyed every minute of it. They got to know more about their dad, and their dad got to know more about them. My grandchildren are getting to experience the same kind of dad; they are blessed to have dads who like hanging out with them, too.

So hats off to all dads that take the time to really get to know their kids and let their kids really get to know them.

Dianne Glasgow is a family and child specialist at the LSU AgCenter in Caddo Parish.

She can be reached at [email protected].