Advice from the ‘godmother’ of bridesmaids
I’ve been in a lot of weddings – 20 to be exact. It’s an honor to be chosen to help your friends celebrate their special day, and there’s a litany of websites in which one can read list upon list on how to be a good bridesmaid.
They offer gems of good advice. I am a believer in supporting friends and making sure this is a day to remember (and as drama-free as possible). However, I was disappointed in the lack of bridesmaid advice that actually provided advocacy/reality check and support for the maid herself. Here’s five tips on how to be the best bridesmaid you can:
1. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself.
Brides, I’m speaking to you just for a second, and I’m going to say the thing you’re just not supposed to say. There is a monetary limit to your joy. Seriously.
Now that it’s out in the open, let’s get to the bridesmaids. It isn’t uncommon these days for the brides to ask you to spend $500 out of pocket for a dress, plus shoes, bridal shower, a bachelorette trip to Mexico (What happened to a one-night limo, dinner and embarrassing your bride friend at the local bars?), a rehearsal dinner, bridal luncheon, hair, makeup and a wedding gift.
Problem is, not every girl is financially fit to handle these expenses. Many times, the $500 for the dress would cover two car payments, or a good chunk of rent, or at least represents a decent chunk of one’s monthly income. Don’t be afraid to let the bride know you may need help with the dress, or that you can’t afford the bachelorette vacation to Vegas. It isn’t a requirement that you go broke.
2. Don’t get isolated with the unsure bride.
A friend was clearly questioning her decision to marry the man she was about to meet at the end of the aisle in a few hours. Her response? To go completely insane, hole up in the bathroom, declaring beforehand, “I don’t want anyone to come into this room except Mandy!” Lucky me.
One of the points of having multiple bridesmaids is you are now a “team” so to speak. If your bride is re-thinking her decisions, get together as a group to help her calm down. You don’t want to be trapped with a panicking spider monkey in high heels. Get your team together.
3. Be nice to the other bridesmaids, even if you can’t stand each other.
Not everyone asked to be in the wedding may be the best of friends, and that’s OK. It’s best to be civil and kind to each other since you’re there to support the bride and not to make friends. You could be in a July wedding, in a church with a broken air conditioner, and decide to ride with a maid that’s not a buddy to get some bottled water. And this non-buddy might get into a fender bender.
Even though you’re roasting, don’t particularly care for this person and are now probably delaying the wedding you’re now bonded in your “new wedding story.” Just go with it because I guarantee you’ll be glad you weren’t driving and don’t have to tell the bride it was your fault, since no one wants to be the girl who delays the wedding. Bless her heart.
4. Maintain yourself at the reception.
A dear friend and fellow bridesmaid drank so much on our hourlong limo ride that she spent the entire reception on the bathroom floor of the Elks Club in Denver.
Alcohol is part of many wedding celebrations, and by all means, if you’re into imbibing, enjoy it. Just try to at least get through the reception and back home before you come undone, since this is the happy couple’s special day. You don’t want to be the craziest story from someone’s party.
5. Accept that you won’t wear the dress again.
I’ve had 20 dresses and have only worn one of them again. I haven’t found a need for a taffeta, poofy-sleeved hot pink number yet. Chances are, you will stuff it in a closet and eventually give it to Goodwill or sell it at a second-hand store. Just let it go.
In the end, just have fun. It’s a party, after all.
–Mandy Byrd
