NEWSQUIRKS

Curses, foiled again
After stealing two safes filled with at least $50,000 worth of rare gold and silver coins and a silver ingot, the thieves tried to sell the 62.5-pound silver bar to a metal recycling dealer in Bentonville, Ark. The dealer convinced them the bar, valued at $15,000, was made of lead and gave them $30 for it. Then he called police, who arrested six people, including a handyman working for the victim. “They’re kids,” Detective Mike Stegall said. “They had no idea what they had.”

Put on a happy face
Hoping to lift spirits dimmed by revolving governments, restless mobs and a weeklong takeover of Bangkok’s airports that belied Thailand’s slogan as “The Land of Smiles,” motorcycle police officers greeted the new year by wearing anti-pollution masks decorated with smiley faces. Highway Police commander Col. Somyos Promnim told the International Herald Tribune the new cloth masks, which hook behind the ears and cover the mouth and nose, will help “reduce the stress from drivers when they see the police.” He added some 200 police booths would also distribute holy water, chewing gum and mints.

Prescription for trouble
The government approved classifying a 9-mm handgun as a medical device, according to a New Jersey company hoping to manufacture the weapon. The Palm Pistol is designed for people who have trouble firing a normal handgun due to arthritis and other debilitating conditions by using the thumb rather than the index finger to pull the trigger. “It’s something that they need to assist them in daily living,” declared Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms, which hopes the government will reimburse seniors who buy the $300 firearm. “The justification for this would be no more or less for a walker or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices.”

Get it?
Sarcasm can help diagnose dementia, according to Australian scientists. The researchers at the University of New South Wales found that patients younger than 65 who suffer from frontotemporal dementia (FTD), the second most common form of dementia, cannot detect when someone is being sarcastic. “The patients with FTD are very literal, and they take what is being said as genuine and sincere,” said John Hodges, the senior author of the study, who noted the condition affects one in 4,000 people worldwide.

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Submit items, citing date and source, to P.O. Box 8130, Alexandria VA 22306.