Is a train that averages less than 70  mph between St. Louis and Chicago really high-speed rail?

It is according to the government, which is spending more than $1 billion to improve Union Pacific track in hopes of making the journey in a bit more than four hours, thirty minutes – not much faster than a car and considerably slower than bullet trains in Europe and Asia. Eventually, planners say, the trip could be cut to four hours, still short of lightning speed.

We’re looking for a better name than “high-speed rail” for this project slated to go straight through the heart of Springfield. Besides prestige, the person who comes up with the best name will win an Illinois Times t-shirt. Bonus points will be awarded for clever acronyms. If you like trains, maybe something like Fancy Asset Saves Time (FAST). If you’re not a big fan, perhaps Sure Lots Of Waste (SLOW). Surely, you can do better than this. Send entries to [email protected]. Multiple submissions welcome.