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No stickers
I will not be able to take Western religions seriously until they explain the sand burr. The plant’s very existence suggests that the universe is a creation of malevolent design. Even devout Christians come close to agreeing with me.

A sinking feeling about the economy
There is dignity in legitimate paid work, but unfortunately, the largest occupations generally pay low wages. The BLS data shows that “of the 10 largest occupations, only registered nurses had an average wage above the U.S. all-occupations mean of $21.35 per hour or $44,410 annually.

Privatization: The road to Hell
Why, for them, that’s just an easy impulse purchase. A few million bucks for a Matisse original? Go ahead – it’ll liven up the hallway. How about throwing a fat wad of cash at a university to get an academic chair named for you? Sure, it’s all part of the fun of living in BillionaireLand.

canarypoem #1
my friend auditions canaries a strange job you think well it’s a matter of sex and a bit more pleasant than gendering chicks which another friend used to do it seems that only male canaries sing and male canaries market for twenty dollars more at...

LETTERS
Our present-day leaders are not real leaders, they are hypocrites. Our state lawmakers and the governor want to cut benefits of current state employees, but they don’t mind lining their own pockets by giving themselves 85 percent of their last salary as retirement.

A sinking feeling about the economy
But relatively few commentators question the wisdom of letting your economy’s growth rely so much on consumer spending, when wages for most people aren’t rising and financial speculation, often a churning game of skimming profits off of the top of big buckets of money, is rampant.

Quinn is out of touch on budget
The governor’s original budget proposal was just so out of sync with political and fiscal reality that pretty much everybody knew pretty quickly that something different would have to be done.

Local merchants wary of sports superstore
The store is one-third hunting and fishing, one-third athletics and one-third shoes and clothing, says Kevin Lambley, store leader at Scheels. The outfitter also boasts a children’s play area, gift shop, aquarium, a 35-foot mountain, Ferris wheel, airplane and a fullservice cafeteria with homemade sandwiches, pastries, coffee and fudge.

YOUNG REPRESENTATIVE
It’s too early to tell if Tyler Morrison has a political career ahead of him, but the 4-year-old son of State Rep. Thomas Morrison, a Palatine Republican, has a better chance than some career politicians with his efforts to talk to people on both sides of the aisle during the weekend legislative session, May 28.

THE HOUSE GOT SERVED
The last weekend of the legislature can mean many things for members of the General Assembly, including long hours, little sleep and long debates between fellow constituents. But the end of session has also meant fried chicken for the entire Illinois House for the last 15 years, served up by State Rep.

Sex offender board can’t manage sex offenders
An audit of the Illinois Sex Offender Management Board shows failures in tracking sex offenders, even as the state legislature considers ramping up monitoring requirements.

Will the state cut Springfield’s pay?
“It’s been my position that we should continue to pay that money to the local governments,” said Cullerton. He added that he disagrees with a Senate Republican proposal to cut $300 million from the budget, partly by making cuts to the local government distributive fund.

New election district may benefit Springfield’s east side
Ward 3 Ald. Doris Turner testified at a May 24 hearing of the Illinois House and Senate redistricting committees, telling lawmakers that a new election district joining Springfield’s east side with much of Decatur could aid in the election of a representative more in tune to the needs of the inner city.

The nuke next door
On Friday, March 11, 2011, an afternoon earthquake with a 9.0 magnitude struck off the coast of Japan, unleashing a 14-meter tsunami that about an hour later would devastate the country’s Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant site.

The nuke next door
be at risk during an earthquake, according to the inspection reports, Exelon points out in an April 2011 fact sheet that diesel generators and their fuel, as well as emergency reactor cooling systems, are designed to withstand seismic waves measuring between 6.

The nuke next door
One of those consequences could be the release into the environment of radioactive elements, including Iodine 131, which only comes from nuclear power plants. During the ongoing crisis in Fukushima, government officials have found dangerous levels of I-131 in crops as far as 90 miles from the damaged reactors.

The nuke next door
IEMA says the Fukushima crisis has caused the agency to consider another mass distribution, possibly partnering with other state agencies to get the word out. But the agency will also continue to focus on shelter and evacuation as its preferred methods of protection against radioactive isotopes.

Feeding the famous
My daughter Ashley knows. For several years, Ashley worked at Big Delicious Planet, cooking and serving food for celebrities. BDP is one of Chicago’s best catering firms, especially known for backstage catering at some of the Windy City’s most popular performance venues.

Feeding the famous
just spent over $3,000 at Jewel!” she frequently reported. Much of that shopping was for stocking performers’ dressing rooms and tour buses, a separate function from serving meals. Some tour buses were incredible – exceptionally luxurious, outfitted with marble, lustrous woods and elaborate fixtures.

A poignant second Panda
Funny thing about having all of your dreams come true. Usually there’s that other shoe that drops, making you wonder if your good fortune is a blessing or not.

Watch for wayward, wandering minstrels
In these days of well-planned careers featuring well-manicured appearances and well-kept personalities, designed by well-managed curators of societal conveniences meant to make all things acceptable, palatable and negotiable, finding a creative space to do what one will becomes a daunting challenge.

PUB CRAWL
Dates, times and locations are subject to change, so we suggest calling before attending an event..

BAND SPOTLIGHT | Chris Knight
it Born and raised in Slaughters, Ky., Chris Knight went from aspiring songwriter to a major force in the country field in a few short years, scoring major hits with big-name Nashville artists (Randy Travis, John Anderson, Montgomery Gentry) while...

PUB CRAWL
Christy Bennett with the Sam Crain Trio.

PUB CRAWL
Squirt Gun Warriors, Like...With Jetpacks, The Least of Alls, The Knockoffs.

COMEDY | Prophet of parody
“Weird Al” Yankovic’s traveling ministry, I mean tour, descends on Springfield June 5 at the Prairie Capital Convention Center. One-of-the-funniest comedians alive today, Yankovic’s brilliant wackiness, killer accordion and band, and poignant and positively hilarious songs with make you disappear into a heaven of laughter for three hours.

THE CALENDAR
Kids activities. $5 per day. Bring a chair. Old State Capitol, 1 Old State Capitol Plaza. Southern Culture on the Skids.

Talent and treasures
Forty local artisans will display and offer for sale their handmade fine crafts and art work, such as: photography, painted furniture, jewelry and ceramics at the fifth annual MBBA Artist Market, taking place the first two Saturdays in June on the north end of the Town and Country Shopping Center parking lot.

THE CALENDAR
their secret gardens. Demonstrations. (Reception at H.D. Smith Gallery 3-5 p.m.) $30, $25 in advance at 544- 2787 or prairieart.org. Various locations. Gallery II Art Opening.

SPORTS | Tee time
One of the biggest women’s pro tour golf tournaments tees off for four days in Springfield at Panther Creek Country Club. The 25 highest-ranked players on the LPGA Money List have committed to play in this year’s Classic, including defending champion, #9 ranked Cristie Kerr.

THE CALENDAR
Melotte-Morse-Leonatti-Parker Architects discusses restoration of Dana-Thomas House stained glass. 788-9452. Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library, 112 North Sixth St, 217-558-8844. Haunted American Midwest Conference.

THE CALENDAR
locally-grown produce. June 18 Dog Daze; July 9 Whistlin’ Dixie; July 23 Healthy Living, Jazz; Aug. 6 Taste of; Aug. 27 Ag Day. Taylorville square, Taylorville..

Clear as a bell
The plains are alive with the sound of music — bells to be precise. Don’t miss the 50th International Carillon Festival held at the Thomas Rees Memorial Carillon at Washington Park.

PUBLIC NOTICES
IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE SEV- ENTH JUDICIAL CIRCUIT SANGAMON COUNTY, ILLINOIS Estate of John Sisti, Deceased. No. 2001-P-264 NOTICE OF PUBLICATION OF WILL AND CLAIMS Notice is hereby given of the death of John Sisti.

PUBLIC NOTICES
Petition in said suit or otherwise file your appearance therein in the said Circuit Court of Sangamon County, Springfield, Illinois, on or before the 26th day of June, 2011, a default may be entered against you at any time after that day and a Judgment entered in accordance with the prayer of said Petition.

PUBLIC NOTICES.
Recorder’s Office of Sangamon County, Illinois. Except all coal, minerals and mining rights heretofore conveyed or reserved of record. Situated in Sangamon County, Illinois. PARCEL ID: 21-13-228-037 The Judgment amount was Count I: $728,025.07 plus accruing costs and fees and interest; and Count II: $728,922.

NEWS QUIRKS
A surveillance video showed the man who stole two 24-packs of beer from a convenience store in Lake Wales, Fla., making his getaway. Before he made it to his car, however, his sagging jeans dropped, causing him to fall to the ground and sending cans of beer rolling in every direction.

AMY ALKON THE ADVICE GODDESS
I’m 25, a singer in a band, and extremely motivated to make a career out of my music. In fact, I’m moving to LA this week for that purpose. I’ve been casually dating — speedily dumping men who’ve gotten attached (not my fault, I make my intentions super-clear).