Curses, foiled again

After stealing handcuffs, a Taser and other items from an unmarked police car in Ocoee, Fla., Shane Thomas Williams-Allen, 19, was apprehended when he “locked the handcuffs on himself and had to call the Clermont Police Department to respond to release him,” according to an arrest affidavit. Lake County authorities who took Williams-Allen into custody said he told them that while removing the Taser from the police car, “it discharged, hitting the floor and causing his foot to get shocked.” (Orlando Sentinel)

Spare the rod

Authorities in Meriwether County, Ga., arrested Lynn Middlebrooks Geter, 38, for forcing her 12-yearold son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer to punish the boy for getting bad grades. (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Just can’t get enough

South Africa’s President Jacob Zuma confirmed that he fathered the daughter of a woman who isn’t one of his three wives. Zuma has 19 other children. Brian Sokutu, a representative of Zuma’s African National Congress Party, said that the president’s relationship with the woman didn’t count as adulterous because the 67-year-old Zuma is a polygamist and may have been intending to marry the 39-year-old woman. “There is something called courtship,” Sokutu explained. “What that means is that before you do officially get married there is the courting period. And during that period anything can happen.” Sokutu wouldn’t confirm whether Zuma was actually planning a wedding. (Britain’s Daily Telegraph)

When guns are outlawed

Authorities in Okaloosa County, Fla., accused a 50-year-old woman of battering her daughter in the face with her reading glasses. The arrest report said the attack occurred while the two women were arguing over a cigarette. (Northwest Florida’s Daily News)

Ten times fast

Two 47-year-old men accused of stealing a $950 postal check in Hellertown, Pa., are named Richard A. Fluck and Bryan Flok. Police said Fluck and Flok took the check from the post office, co-signed it and cashed it. (Allentown’s The Morning Call)

Irony illustrated

A single-engine airplane used for rush-hour traffic reports in metropolitan Philadelphia caused a mileand-a-half backup in both directions of the New Jersey Turnpike when it made an emergency landing in the northbound lanes near Cherry Hill. Noting no one was injured, New Jersey Turnpike Authority said the backups were due mostly to rubbernecking, adding, “For the first time in eight years, I can probably say you had a good reason to stop and look.” (Associated Press)

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.