beans, they’re nicknamed mangiafagioli, beaneaters. Pasta isn’t as dominant as in other Italian regions. Root says Tuscany is “the region where the cooking is thought to be the least ‘corrupted’ by outside influences.”

At least until American marketing geniuses grabbed hold of it. Why call something Tuscan when it has little or nothing to do with Tuscan food? Does food sell better when it’s labeled Tuscan? Is it more appealing, somehow sexier than Roman or Neapolitan or Bolognese? Easier to pronounce? The Tuscan craze reached new heights (or depths, depending on your perspective) with the introduction of Tuscan and Florentine canned cat foods by Fancy Feast. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Authentic — especially preceding an ethnic designation, such as Mexican. Some restaurants may be authentic, but how can average diners tell? While a menu may have some authentic dishes — perhaps tacos al carbon or coctel de camarron, if it includes nachos and taco salads it’s a safe bet much of the food is geared toward us gringos.

Perversely, often the least authentic restaurants work hardest to persuade us of their authenticity. The Olive Garden goes so far as to tout their Culinary Inspiration — their “Culinary Institute” — in Tuscany, naturally! I don’t doubt that it exists — visitors to their Web site can take a virtual tour. I do doubt that it serves much purpose besides marketing, despite all those visuals of grandmotherly Chef Romana teaching eager Olive Garden employees. I have two primary reasons. First, many menu items designated “inspired by our Culinary Institute” contain combinations that would be absolute anathema to Italians, such as tortellini topped with entrée-sized portions of short ribs, and grilled seafood with cheese-sauced pasta.

The second is a woman I met when taking a week-long course at the Culinary Institute of America. Open only to professionals, the course’s 20-odd students were a mixed bunch, among them chefs from Japan, several Navy cooks — and a woman who had for the five previous years been Olive Garden’s quality control manager in nine western states. She knew nothing about cooking, not even the most basic of basics.

We had to show her how to cut an onion. This nice woman was horribly embarrassed, sometimes to the point of tears. She was only able to get through the class because everyone pitched in to help her. There are many more meaningless or misleading food words around — gardenfresh and healthy are two that come to mind. Start looking, and see how many you can find!

Contact Julianne Glatz at [email protected].