Building self-esteem paramount to success
Is there a time in your life you wouldn’t mind reliving? Perhaps you would enjoy dancing at your senior prom again. Maybe you dream of experiencing one more college tailgate. But, does anyone ever daydream about going back to middle school? With puberty and awkward tween years, middle school is usually one of the most difficult periods in a child’s life. And there’s a reason why.
Dr. Elizabeth Guice from the Children’s Center at LSU Health Shreveport’s School of Allied Health Professionals said the middleschool period can be a critical time for children, especially girls. Guice is a licensed clinical psychologist who works with parents and children.
There is a way to make this time a little smoother, though.
“If we lay a foundation when they’re younger, it will be better. If some of that groundwork is there, kids will have a stronger sense of belonging,” Guice said.
One of the pillars of this groundwork is establishing strong self-esteem.
“Our self-esteem is what we believe about ourselves and what we can do,” Guice said. She credits psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman’s self-esteem research as a good foundation for parents. His ABCs of self-esteem, acceptance, belonging and confidence can give parents an idea of how to begin instilling a strong sense of self-worth in their children. Guice said self-esteem begins to form at a young age, usually around preschool. That’s why toddlers have a fierce need for independence, she said. When a child succeeds, it is important to encourage that success. If a child has success, then he or she will begin to anticipate another success, building confidence.
“It’s much easier to use preventative measures versus reparative,” Guice said. Another aspect of self-esteem groundwork is quality of time as a family. Guice said quality time helps families grow and bond but also better understand what a child is going through or thinking. She recommends a family game night and especially spending time away from the television, computer or other tech device. Children should also have a sense of belonging in their family. This can be achieved by discussing topics as a family and by giving children age-appropriate responsibilities.
Parents can also encourage success by allowing opportunities for their children to be successful to instill confidence. Guice also recommends matching a child’s strengths with his or her interests. If a child is talented at drawing, consider enrolling him/her in an art camp. However, she advises parents to let it go if a child really has no interest in the extracurricular activity.
Though parents should encourage success, they shouldn’t be afraid of their children failing, either.
“We have a lot of helicopter parents who want to pave the road with no bumps but fostering independence is important. Let your kids get their feet wet and try new things,” she said.
None of these recommendations will help if a parent does not have his or her own sense of strong self-esteem, Guice said. A positive role model with healthy self-esteem, self-worth and confidence is important for children to see.
However, if a parent is providing opportunities for a child to be successful, pointing out strengths and providing quality a family time, but they are not seeing any improvements in their child’s sense of selfworth, it may be time for outside help.
“Seek someone who specializes in children, not just any counselor,” Guice said. She said when she counsels, she will spend time with the parents and child together and separately.
She said meeting with the parents is just as important – if not more important – than meeting with the child. She works to identify a family’s concerns, find out what the parents have tried and create new ideas and exercises for the family.
A 2003 study from Psychological Science in the Public Interest found that healthy selfesteem is one of the strongest predictors of happiness.
“Self-esteem is tied to so many things,” Guice said, explaining that it relates to physical health, ability to handle stress and social behavior.
The most important practice for parents is to always motivate their children to be themselves.
“Encourage your child to be who they are and accept themselves,” Guice said.
