A Sunday school teacher asked if anyone knew any of the Ten Commandments. One boy volunteered, “Thou shall not omit adultery.”

When is the only time a woman could change a man? When he was a baby.

Overheard last summer while fishing … “I still wonder why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes.”

“My daughter’s boyfriend’s idea of a seven-course meal is a burger and a six pack.”

Woody Allen doesn’t see death as an end … just an effective way to cut expenses.

Crime in New York must be really serious. A friend told me last week the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

As a child, Cynic was so poor that if he got hurt he never got an X-ray; his dad just held him up to the light.

An optimist is a guy who looks forward to marriage, a pessimist is a married optimist.

Have you noticed that when you’re finally successful enough to sleep late, you always wake up early?