Behind every successful man stands a surprised wife.

Father to son, “It’s no fun to kiss a girl over the phone unless you’re in the same booth.”

Overheard ... “My first apartment had hot and cold running water without any faucets.”

Remember ... When a felon needs a friend a lawyer is always near.

The most expensive thing in the world can be a woman who is free for the evening.

“It’s true, I went to a school so small the team members didn’t have numbers, they had fractions.”

“My buddy from ‘J’ school started making money soon ... writing bad checks.”

Overheard at the art show ... “I guess my uncle is an artist. He draws welfare.”

“The only sure way of keeping the kids at home is to let the air out of their tires.”

Remember: People who have no values have no value.

And this: Politicians make war; soldiers make peace.