Children can overcome with help of a parent

As a child, you probably remember being afraid of the dark. You may have imagined all kinds of scary and creepy things coming out of the dark and “getting” you. A child’s world is full of real and imagined fears. Most fears during childhood are normal, temporary and eventually outgrown.

Newborns usually have a fear of falling and jump when they hear loud noises.

Between 6 and 8 months through 2-to 3-year-old, a child may have a fear of strangers.

Toddlers have simple fears of separation, noises, falling, animals and insects, using the bathroom, bathing and bedtime.

During the preschool years, separation anxiety may occur; they are afraid of monsters and ghosts, getting lost, divorce, loss of a parent and bedtime. They also may be afraid of large animals, dark places, masks, clowns and weird or unnatural creatures.

Elementary-age children may worry about separation, noises, new situations (especially starting to school), bedtime, social rejection, burglars, death of a parent or someone else in the family, not succeeding in school and events in the news such as terrorist attacks and kidnappings.

Any of these anxieties become a problem only if they persist, cause serious distress, destroy family harmony or interfere with a child’s development or education.

In children of all ages, fears may also increase during times of stress (new baby, moving, divorce, etc.).

They may also develop a fear after a triggering event, such as falling in the water, touching something hot or being chased by a dog.

Children who have parents who are very anxious or fearful or who tend to overreact to things often have children who have the same reactions in similar situations.

Here is how a parent can help their child deal with their fears:

1. Don’t use “put downs” – Respect your child’s feelings and fears. It is not helpful to use put downs such as, “You’re being a baby for being afraid of that” or try and ignore the things in which he is afraid.

2. Talk about fears – Ask him why he is afraid and then discuss what he/she says. This can be especially helpful if there is a triggering event.

3. Don’t force a child to do something he’s afraid to do – Don’t be overprotective and let him avoid all of the things that he is afraid of, but you also don’t want to try and force your child into doing something he is afraid to do.

4. Don’t overreact – Extra attention reinforces your child’s reactions.

5. Offer support – Be compassionate. State how your child feels about the situation such as, “I know you are worried about making new friends at your new school, but remember you were able to make friends at your last school, and I know you will be successful this time, too.”

6. Remind of prior fears – Talk about things he was afraid of in the past but no longer has any fear of that particular thing.

7. Don’t avoid everything your child has fears about – Do not teach your child that it is alright to avoid everything in which he is afraid; he may not learn how to cope with everyday living.

Children get their assurance from their parents. Feelings of security are related to a child’s feeling of acceptance by their parents.

Children develop con dence to try and understand the unknowns in their world if they feel the comfort and security of being cared for each and every day. Encouragement comes from a parent’s voiced recognition of children’s accomplishments, rather than from a parent pressuring their child to try new experiences.

Play is used often by children to handle their fears. Children may act out what scares them as they use “pretend” play as an avenue to work through their fears. So play is important to a child’s emotional development.

It is best for parents to prepare their child ahead of time if they know the situation will be a stressful one.

Don’t give too much information: Keep it simple, brief and factual.

Remember, children often “soak up” fears of those around them. If the adults in a child’s life show fear of ordinary things such as insects or thunder, the child is more likely to show the same fears.

Allowing children to watch scary and/ or violent movies will increase a child’s fearfulness as the movies stimulate their imaginations.

Parents can lessen the effect of what is causing a child to be fearful by remaining calm. Calm reactions are “catching.” Children sense things will be all right when the parent shows con dence things will be all right. Managing your own fears gives a child a pattern of response to follow. If your child’s fears are interrupting his development or daily activities, seek help from a child psychologist.

Dianne Glasgow is a family and child specialist at the LSU AgCenter in Caddo Parish. She can be reached at dglasgow@agcenter.lsu.edu, 226-6805 or 464-2552.