Overheard: “I still remember I got 98 in the big test, and my dad asked, ‘Who got the other two points?’”

My lawyer friend was coaching his client: “Just tell the plain and simple truth.” The client: “Well, I’ll try anything once.”

My neighbor is so old he remembered when stores were glad to get returns from shoplifters.

Keep in mind: If you don’t go to people’s funerals, they probably won’t come to yours.

Laughter is God’s gift to mankind, and mankind is proof that God has a sense of humor.

This may not be your best day when your twin forgot your birthday, your income tax check bounced and your blind date turned out to be your wife.

Have you ever wondered? Why, when a door is open, it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?

The recently revised judicial oath: “I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the truth as I believe it to be and nothing but what I think you need to know.”

At the court house: Knock, knock! Who’s there? Allied! Allied who? Allied, so sue me!