FAMILY LOVE

My mom is 93 years old.

She wants her hair fixed just so, wears earrings even while at home and has her nails done (the latest style was French nails). She likes to play dominoes and beats me often. She is also the mother of my two sisters and my brother; there are four of us. So she has had a lot of experiences and time to know what it takes to be a mother. My siblings and I are all five years apart, so my mom had many years to conquer the task of mothering.

Does the character of mothers in their 90s and mothers of today have anything in common?

Are the mothering ways of the past any good for today’s modern mom? While a lot has changed, a lot has remained the same.

Today’s moms may not have a garden and probably don’t cook from “scratch” like my mom did. Today’s moms may work and not be home like my mom was. But those things don’t determine a good mom. The truth is, senior and middle-aged moms have a lot in common with today’s younger moms. They share many traits and attributes that should never go out of style. So what are good traits that should be carried from generation to generation? Some include the following:

* Being present with your child.

* Attending your child’s events and taking interest in his or her daily life. We could always count on my parents being involved in the activities of our lives.

* Not being in a state of distraction.

* Turning off the phone and giving face-to-face attention. Listening and sharing will say, “You mean the world to me. I care enough to give you my undivided attention.

” It is so easy to give our time to technology and not to our family.

We ate together each night and talked around the table and shared our day with each other. The sharing can take place today, even at a fast food restaurant. It doesn’t matter the place but the fact that your family talks and shares with each other no matter where they eat.

* What you ask of your child, do yourself. Don’t ask them to do what you are unwilling to do yourself. You teach patience by being patient. You teach kindness by being kind. Children learn to be loving by being treated with love and kindness. Our behavior was stopped and we were made to “redo” our actions if we were not patient and kind to each other.

* Being consistent. Act immediately when you ask children to do something and they don’t respond. We condition children to delay obeying what we ask them to do by telling them over and over what we want them to do while they sit and wait for us to get angry. Then they respond. Teaching them what is right and what is wrong is a sign you love your children. Teaching them to respond when we ask them to do something teaches respect and obedience. In our family, we were expected to obey when told to do something. Not much grace period was given.

* Don’t be so serious. Make sure there is laughter and fun times in your relationship with your child.

Sing instead of saying the words of what you want them to do. I remember the fun times and happy times we shared as a family. Those memories will stick with me forever.

* Openly communicate your love.

Express it often. Saying the words “I love you” is the beginning and saying it often; showing it in actions is the way to get your message across. Let them overhear you brag on them to another adult and overhear you praying for them. Help them with a task such as homework; encourage your child to do better and don’t belittle him or her; accept them for who they are. Encourage your child when he or she fails. We were always told that we “could.” There was always a way to accomplish a task or get important things done. Saying there was no way was not an option. We were encouraged to do our best and were told we could.

Just like our parents you will probably tell your children, “I know you can do it.” “You are doing a great job.” “You are the kid I always wanted.”

“I am so glad God gave you to me.”

* You should keep up the good work and be encouraged that you are doing a great job. Don’t forget to thank your mom for all she has done through the years. Call your mom; better yet, visit her on Mother’s Day, as well as many other days of the year. You will make her day. Make sure what you say lets her know you love and appreciate her. Show love to her like she has shown love to you through your childhood years. If you can’t visit your mom, be one of those who makes the phone traffic spike by as much as 37 percent on Mother’s Day.

Remember, parenting with character will never go out of style, neither will loving your adult parent with character. The traits passed down from one generation to another, in the way of parenting, is also relevant when we care for our aging parents. Roles eventually reverse, but the love and character remains the same.

Dianne Glasgow is a family and child specialist at the LSU AgCenter in Caddo Parish.

She can be reached at [email protected], 226-6805 or 464-2552.