Helping your child conquer the issue

We all face peer pressure even as adults. We want to be liked by others; we want to dress somewhat like the norm; we want to be accepted by others.

Peer pressure and its influence begin when children are young. Sometimes peer pressure can be positive, and of course, it can sometimes be negative. Peer pressures increase as children get older.

At 4 or 5, a child may ask for expensive shoes because they see others wearing a certain type of shoe. Your 9- or 10-year-old daughter may want to get her ears pierced because her friend has already gotten her ears pierced. Your teen wants to stay out later than you allow because everyone else is doing it. They may want to attend parties where there is alcohol so they can be part of the in-crowd.

Peer pressure may begin as a harmless thing but can escalate to a point where it affects school performance, moves to the experimentation of drugs or sexual activity. So parents need to begin in their child’s young years teaching to cope with peer pressure. How Can Parents Help their Child with Peer Pressure?

• Most importantly, teach children what is absolutely right and what is absolutely wrong. Have a strong ethic in your home and in your own behavior. The Bible gives wisdom in absolutes.

• Lead children to have a strong confidence in themselves. Children who have a strong self-confidence will have a stronger defense against giving in to peer pressure or allowing others to make choices for them.

• Ask for your child’s opinions often about school affairs, etc. When children feel their opinions matter they have less chance of being swayed when others try to get them to choose the wrong thing to do.

• Listen to your children. Talk to them about important issues. When watching television and something comes up that you do not agree is right, ask your child, “What would you do if in a situation like that?” Then focus the conversation on what the right choices would be. Interacting about social situations will let your child know you respect his thoughts. Listening to your child and dialoging instead of just lecturing will help you know what your child is thinking and how you should guide your child.

• Get your child involved in wholesome activities such as church youth groups, music, sports and other activities of your child’s interest. Check to see if they are led by positive leaders who will encourage your child to make wise choices and will be positive role models. Don’t forget to notice what your child’s interests are and follow his or her lead in selecting activities.

• Teach your child to say “no” in situations that may come up, and discuss what could be said if a peer suggests doing something that is wrong. Possibilities could be: “No thank you” (said firmly). “My parents would kill me.”

Impress on them that if adults will not be present at an activity, they should not attend. With certain activities you don’t approve of, you may say, “That is not what the __________ family does.” (Filling in the blank with your family name.) Teach your child that he or she has the right to offer up better suggestions when a peer suggests doing something unwholesome. “Let’s hang out at my house or let’s go to a good movie.” Talk to other parents and find out what they are allowing their children to do. If it doesn’t coincide with your beliefs, don’t allow your child to hang with their child at that parent’s home.

• Develop a family code for your child to send if he or she is facing an uncomfortable situation and needs to be picked up immediately. It should be something no one else would catch on to such as: “Is the dog feeling better?” You will know to go and get your child. Your child won’t face being called a “snitch” or a “baby,” and you can help your child out of a sticky situation.

We are all surrounded by peer pressure – pressure to wear the right clothes, go to the right places, have the right things. Because children do not have the maturity to know how to deal with peer pressure, it is a parent’s responsibility to give them the tools to do so. Being available, taking time to listen, dialoguing with them on how to make good decisions and living a life in front of them that you would be proud of them to live makes a huge difference. Parents instill in their children how to make decisions by how they make decisions and how they deal with peer pressure. You give them the confidence to stand up for what is right when you take the time to listen, ask for their opinions and engage in conversation about the issues.