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Barry dramatic

As if the movies aren’t predictable enough, the life of legendary University of Oklahoma football coach Barry Switzer is headed to the big screen. (Spoiler alert: He wins! A lot!) Hollywood has a knack for making the act of winning a game feel like cancer was cured, so we expect nothing less than a $20 million opening weekend.

According to comingsoon.net, Switzer’s 1990 autobiography, Bootlegger’s Boy, is being shepherded to a theater near you by producer Molly Smith (pro: The Blind Side; con: Something Borrowed) and, possibly, the screenwriting team of Patrick Massett and John Zinman (pro: Friday Night Lights; con: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider).

Because it’s never too early to think about casting, Chicken-Fried News nominates Oscar winner Tommy Lee Jones to tackle (get it?) the role of Switzer. After all, he’s good at yelling at people.

For Jerry Jones, Switzer’s boss at the Dallas Cowboys and the ostensible villain of the piece, Tobin Bell, aka Jigsaw from all seven Saw movies. For Charles Thompson, the quarterback arrested in 1989 for selling cocaine to the FBI … well, he looks an awful lot like Todd Bridges, child star of Diff’rent Strokes, who’s had a past with coke himself. Authenticity!

Finally, for Brian “The Boz” Bosworth, we’d cast Brian “The Boz” Bosworth. Unless Stone Cold 2: Stone Colder comes along to complicate scheduling, CFN thinks he’d be available.

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